Robbie Williams

Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe write some really great stuff – stuff that would put Oscar Wilde to shame. If the Pet Shop Boys ever wanted a third member, I’d be there.

I’ve been watching what I eat. When I was putting on all the weight, I was drinking Guinness and not eating. I didn’t have room to because I was drinking all the time.

I think the way for me to win America’s heart is to perform, and if I really was concerned about breaking big then there’d be a tour.

I don’t have anything that I treasure at all. They’re just things. I tend to buy an awful lot of stuff, like clothes and things. But I wouldn’t be bothered if my house burns down tomorrow.

I’d make a better U.S. President than George W. Bush. Bush is an idiot. I’m a better public speaker than him. It makes you wonder about the voters.

I feel like I’m always having to justify why I haven’t kept in touch with anyone from the old days in Stoke-on-Trent, but I’m like that with anybody. I don’t let anybody in. I just rely on myself.

I think it’s part of being English, particularly if you are middle-class – you’re always looking to be reminded that you are no good and you are always actually embarrassed about being successful.

What gets me is how many women – young women – give up their power and sense of self. Thinking they’re going to get more out of life if they take off their clothes and objectify themselves, instead of functioning on the principle that they’re smart and capable, that you can be an actress and not be on the covers of T&A magazines. I’m flabbergasted by how many legitimate actresses do that. It blows my mind.

Everything we do needs to be exceptional – if it’s not exceptional we don’t put it out there, because the biggest high for us is when we read comments from our customers saying that they can’t live without them.

I’m always shocked by the people who I’m attracted to. It’s always completely random. I generally like people who are a bit crazy but yeah, that’s pretty much my only prerequisite.

Led Zeppelin was a very sensitive and beautiful animal beast.

I get more people approaching me about how good I was in ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ than being in Coldplay.

Being good is about being an all-round contributor in the great world of music.

When I was a kid I used to hide behind the curtains at home at Christmas and I used to try and be Elvis. There was a certain ambience between the curtains and the French windows, there was a certain sound there for a ten-year-old. That was all the ambience I got at ten years old…I think!

[about the showbiz lifestyle] It’s all too much trouble for me. It’s probably because I’m fat and lazy and old.

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

In the last series, we set up a church [to expose televangelists and the ease of avoiding tax through establishing a religious organisation]. It took a lot of legal advice and months of gathering correspondence with one pastor. In terms of the UK, I’m not sure what the Inland Revenue’s position on churches is. The IRS is very much of the opinion that all churches, whatever their form, operate tax free. How would I make sense of what we achieved? We achieved nothing! We achieved $70,000 in single [donations], a four-foot wooden penis and five vials of human sperm. Although a lot of people would consider that a decent year’s work, I suppose. It’s a pretty impressive room full of tat.

I’m a woman now.

The suit-and-tie job is very nice, but it’s not really who I am in my heart.

Yeah, I do also think that by the time you are in your forties, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good…. Sexy is all relative.

How do you expect me to see your nasty-looking eye ball if you don’t look straight ahead?