Milton Berle

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?

It’s much worse to read criticism about your son than yourself.

I was probably 10 or 11 when I saw that, and sort of started thinking, ‘You know what? Marriage is an option. Having a family is an option. And going to school and getting your education and building your career is another really viable option that can lead to happiness and fulfillment.

My father was a successful real estate developer, and he was a very tough man but a good man. My father would always praise me. He always thought I was the smartest person.

You leave home to seek your fortune and when you get it, you go home and share it with your family.

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.

Having lots of siblings is like having built-in best friends.

Maybe that’s all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

A sibling represents a person’s past, present, and future.

It’s incredible watching my son grow up and learn to read, discover the world and test boundaries. Being a mum is the greatest joy of my life, definitely.

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.

It’s her first grandchild, so she’s really, really, really excited. I guess my mom is a little more stressed out than me.

The best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend.

I have not been a good father, but no father has loved his children more. Like my father, I decided the best thing I could do for my kids was work and provide. Fortunately, I’ve been able to do that. Unfortunately, my work was on the road, and that’s meant a life of one-nighters.

I am lucky because my family are comfortably off. My father has his own glass business.

Nothing can stop me from loving my brother.