Mark Twain

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest.

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

There isn’t a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.

There is no such thing as the Queen’s English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me-I always feel that they have not said enough.

Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.

Light is the first of painters. There is no object so foul that intense light will not make it beautiful.

You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

The quality of strength lined with tenderness is an unbeatable combination, as are intelligence and necessity when unblunted by formal education.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

I answer the heroic question Death where is thy sting? It is here in my heart and mind and memories

Understanding is a two-way street.

We seem but to linger in manhood to tell the dreams of our childhood, and they vanish out of memory ere we learn the language.

To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning.

You can tell a lot about a person by listening to the way they talk about someone they once loved.

It is a fine thing to be honest, but it is also very important to be right.

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare.

The only failure one should fear, is not hugging to the purpose they see as best.

I believe that every person is born with talent.