Mark Twain

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

To succeed in life, you need to things: ignorance and confidence.

Men lose their tempers in defending their taste.

Justice delayed is justice denied.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Friendship increases in visiting friends, but in visiting them seldom.

Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.

The dice of God are always loaded.

The reason why men do not obey us is because they see the mud at the bottom of our eye.

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.

A country-bred man can always learn to get on with city people, but a town-bred fellah never gets the real hang of the country. You can put city polish on a man, but by golly, it seems you can’t ever rub it off him.

Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand — relax!

Natural abilities are like natural plants, that need pruning by study; and studies themselves do give forth directions too much at large, except they be bounded in by experience.

Do the thing and you will have the power. But they that do not the thing, had not the power.

The pest of society are the egotist, they are dull and bright, sacred and profane, course and fine. It is a disease that like the flu falls on all constitutions.

The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape.

There is not human being from whom we cannot learn something if we are interested enough to dig deep.