George Burns

You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

Pardon me if I haunt you tonight.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

I am from the planet of elegance.

The only prosperity the people can afford to be satisfied with is the kind that lasts.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching.

You are the daydream I am supposed to have for the rest of my life.

I know nothing and my heart aches.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.

There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.

In the dime stores and bus stations, people talk of situations, read books, repeat quotations, draw conclusions on the wall.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

She wears her beauty as the sky wears the stars, infinitely deep and forever shining.

I mean, if you degrade someone, you isolate them, you control them, you call them names, you demean them. That’s a horrible existence for people.