Dorothy Parker

I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.

If I have to listen to one more grey faced man with a $2 hair cut explain to me what rape is, I’m going to lose my mind.

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good.

I don’t really like to go out very much. I’m not scandalous. I’m not, like, in this to be famous. I also find it so embarrassing when you read about people and it’s like they were so trashed at Skybar and stumbling around. I don’t want to be that person. That’s just so embarrassing to have that written about you.

[on acting] Sometimes I think, ‘To hell with acting’ and then I realize I could be working at a shoe shop. Acting is much cooler.

You just have to play every scene honestly and forget about a reaction and what the audience is going to think. I think the more seriously you take something, the more funny it might be.

I’ve had many nicknames over the years: V, Nessa, Nessy Poo, Nessy Bear and Van. Only my parents call me Van, though, and I hate it. I get embarrassed.

[On Laura Nyro] Anything she wanted, I wanted to get for her.

Of course it scored well! It was all fags and old people!

It’s nice to come home to what’s real.

I don’t want to be a babe. I don’t want vanity to ever get in the way, because I think to maintain that, you have to be aware of yourself all the time, and that gets in the way of acting. My job’s not to be the beautiful person. My job is to be the best actor I can be.

I haven’t had an interview in two years where I wasn’t asked about Bond!

Ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re tryin’ to be so quiet?

There is nothing inherently wrong with media that has a viewpoint. This show has a viewpoint; we fact-check everything we say, but I don’t pretend to be neutral on things like criminal justice reform; I’m for it. Uh… Coldplay; I’m against it. Uh… or DeWalt ladders; they’re a seamless blend of style and performance. Walking up one is like ascending to Heaven on a golden cloud. I’m not being paid to say that. I’m just a fan.

So, I think it has to do with the product and what you take to the public. If they like it, they’re going to come see you, and if they don’t, and if you’re kind of getting out of the trendy line of things, then they won’t come see you.

My family, you know, are all still, you know, very close. We’re all still very close. Mom and Daddy are still alive. So, what more can you ask for? Your kids are healthy.