Amy Schumer

It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that it’s work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.

I am a Woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal Woman, that’s me.

Have you watched Snow White lately? I get real funky about the classics; I don’t like (my sons) watching it. It’s totally sexist, misogynistic – she’s cleaning for seven dwarfs. There’s nothing wrong with a woman who chooses to stay at home with her family, it’s a hard-ass job, but it’s the way it’s spoken about.

I’m trying to do my part as a citizen. My part as a Hispanic. My part as a woman. As an American. I enjoy it. I think everybody should be civically engaged in a level that will affect policy. That’s the point. That how our government is set up.

It’s pretty clear that if men were having babies we’d have different policies.

I just love bossy women. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It mans somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading.

The truth is that male religious leaders have had – and still have – an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the later. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world.

Woman is the dominant sex. Men have to do all sorts of stuff to prove they are worthy of a woman’s attention.

I am not a woman, so I don’t have bad days.

I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treasure to the world. As a sweetheart, she has few equals and no superiors; as a cousin, she is convenient; as a wealthy grandmother with an incurable distemper, she is precious; as a wet-nurse, she has no equal among men. What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

There needs to be more variety on television so young girls growing up don’t feel pressured to look one specific way. Tall, thin, curvy, short, whatever you are, you are beautiful.

[on Serena Williams] You are THE epitome of grace and prowess!!! You are an inspiration to all of us. Your purpose to be a leader and a light is a gift to the world!! We love you and thank you for sharing your greatness and spirit!

I’ve been at so many tables with so many folks who are imposters. But shame on us if we sit by and let an imposter talk us down.

I’m attracted to films that have strong female characters because there are strong female characters in my life.

I do respect them; I have great respect for women. In fact, one of the reasons ‘The Apprentice’ was such a successful show for so many years, the audience of women was fantastic.

You can’t whisper magical thoughts in your daughter’s ear and go into a workplace where you tolerate [this] existence. If you are tolerating that, that’s the workplace that will be waiting for your little girl, and you have sold her a bill of goods.