Mark Twain

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did; I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.

Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.

In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents?

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

The silence that accepts merit as the most natural thing in the world is the highest applause.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

Only that day dawns to which we are awake.

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.

The man who can make hard things easy is the educator.

That was Youth with its reckless exuberance when all things were possible pursued by Age where we are now, looking back at what we destroyed, what we tore away from that self who could do more, and its work that’s become my enemy because that’s what I can tell you about, that Youth who could do anything.

I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colors. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.

We seem but to linger in manhood to tell the dreams of our childhood, and they vanish out of memory ere we learn the language.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.

No man can taste the fruits of autumn while he is delighting his scent with the flowers of spring.

Slanderers do not hurt me because they do not hit me.

You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

We live thick and are in each other’s way, and stumble over one another, and I think we thus lose some respect for one another.