Tina Fey

Please welcome the woman I have been assigned to mentor – Lindsay Lohan.

I do like to start on time; I like to set the bar high for people.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

I have a suspicion that the definition of “crazy” in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f*** [sleep with her] anymore.

Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.

I dreamed of being an actress when I was a little kid because you don’t know then that the writer writes everything the actor is saying. But as I got older, I got into college and became more aware that writing is another option, and I started getting into it, too.

Being a Southern person and a blonde, it’s not a good combination. Immediately, when people meet you, they think of you as not being smart.

You know my heart couldn’t take it.

Making a movie requires 20 to 500 people to make and a lot of money and the stakes are a lot higher.

Record sales don’t really mean anything. For us, the pressure is imagining some 15-year-old kid in Cincinnati who buys our album and doesn’t feel like he wasted his pocket money.

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: ‘No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat.’

There aren’t any hard women, only soft men.

People will say, ‘Oh, fashion magazines are so bad, they’re giving girls a negative message’-but we’re also the fattest country in the world, so it’s not like we’re all looking at fashion magazines and not eating.

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I’m on my game.

When I was going to school in, like, ’84 to ’88, you didn’t have cell phones. There was no e-mail, if you can wrap your brain around that.

We are following other people’s opinions. We are controlled by the media. And today it all changes.

I take conscious breaks for myself ’cause I like to rejuvenate and get my creative juices flowing. I also like to take my time with my creativity; I think it’s important.

You want us as muses because you fear us as artists.

My first real kiss came when I was 10, and it was in an acting class. I had to do a scene from a movie where someone gets kissed under a tree, and I did not want to do it! But my acting partner wanted me to feel comfortable, so he bought a picnic basket with all these snacks. He made such an effort- and it was cute.

I think the most embarrassing part of that was just the normal dancing. When the rock band comes. I think there was two days where the crew was like, “Just dance, just dance.”. So, you can’t, in a club or whatever…That was really awkward.

Doing one movie every two years is about all I can handle ’cause, being the creator at ’30 Rock’, my year there starts in the middle of June and goes back around until March.