John Oliver

The death penalty is like the McRib. When you can’t have it, it seems so tantalizing. But when they bring it back, you think, ‘Wow, this is ethically wrong’.

Calling Jeremy Corbyn the ‘British Bernie Sanders’ would be very reductive, very simplistic and probably the best way to explain him to Americans, while being wildly inaccurate. As for Corbyn and Sanders, I think we’ll have to wait and see whether being principled actually gets you anywhere. I don’t think you can doubt the tenacity of their beliefs. But can you translate that into power?

Democracy is like a tambourine – not everyone can be trusted with it.’

Wow, that is hard to watch. Hi, this is Ted Cruz, just calling to remind you to vote for a man who insulted my wife and said my dad helped kill JFK. Anyway, life has no meaning. Thank you. I want to die.

If we don’t get actively involved to at least mitigate Trump’s damage, things will not be OK. And yes, the sun will rise each day, but the continuing rotation of the earth should not be your baseline expectation of American society.

That’s right, it was a boy. And finally, we have a member of the royal family with an actual excuse for being a toothless, petulant, useless human being…That one could get me into trouble back home.

I’d make a better U.S. President than George W. Bush. Bush is an idiot. I’m a better public speaker than him. It makes you wonder about the voters.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

To me, they are equally important, as they represent a certain period in my life and times. With that in mind, it really is impossible to pick favorites.

I’m not worried about legacy. I don’t even know what that actually means. I don’t think anyone knows. I hope at some point in my career when my name is mentioned, someone will say “Oh yeah he has a good song!” I’d be happy with that.

Lowest rated Oscars in HISTORY. Problem is, we don’t have Stars anymore – except your President (just kidding, of course)!

I think the way for me to win America’s heart is to perform, and if I really was concerned about breaking big then there’d be a tour.

I didn’t miss out on a family life because of racing. I had one because of it.

Actors are an insecure breed. It’s hard to have your career depend upon other people’s opinions of what you do.

Welcome to The Daily Show, I’m John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.

The women’s movement hasn’t changed my sex life. It wouldn’t dare.

If a few companies were less greedy, the people at the bottom woud have a lot more.

If you were to really look at it, the boys are still getting more money for a lot of garbage, while the ladies are hustling and doing amazing work for less.

I don’t want to be a babe. I don’t want vanity to ever get in the way, because I think to maintain that, you have to be aware of yourself all the time, and that gets in the way of acting. My job’s not to be the beautiful person. My job is to be the best actor I can be.

I want to try a lot of things that I haven’t tried. You know, I did a thriller (Red Eye) after this, because it was so different and it was a genre I hadn’t worked in yet. Then I did a beautiful family ensemble drama. And next? I don’t know. I might go off to do a small independent in New York. I’m not sure. The quality of material is important but, basically, I’m open to anything. I like to stay open to anything.

Working with someone like Dustin Hoffman is a huge honor and, after you kind of get through that, you’re frightened about working with a screen legend, and I was just in awe.