Reese Witherspoon

But with the right kind of coaching and determination you can accomplish anything and the biggest accomplishment that I feel I got from the film was overcoming that fear.

I have cellulite. I have stretch marks. I feel intimidated by Victoria’s Secret. Hollywood is one of those endless competitions, but it’s like running a race toward nothing. There’s no winning. You’re never going to win the pretty race. I just want to be the best version of myself that I can be.

I think movies are great and I have a great time making them but they’re not what keeps you warm at night, or what’s ultimately the most important thing in anyone’s life journey.

I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and don’t spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out.

I’m not perfect! I’m human. I make mistakes. But I try to be as conscious as I can about things I should be. If I’m going to do something commercial and mainstream and made for the masses, I just believe you can make those kinds of films with quality – and good ideas and good intentions. There’s a lot of negativity out there.

I don’t believe in perfection. I don’t think there is such a thing. But the energy of wanting things to be great is a perfectionist energy.

I have so much residue crap in my hair from years and years of not washing it and not having any sense of personal hygiene whatsoever… even today, I go into these things where I’m supposed to be this sexy guy or whatever, and I’m literally asking, “if I get plumes of dandruff on me, can you just brush it off?”

People say you can’t please everyone all the time. I don’t believe that. I think you can. I’m not like, ‘Oh I’m Kanye West.’ I’m like, ‘Oh you don’t like it? Oh wow!’ To the point where I know you have to like it.

This is so nice, it must be illegal.

What cha saying boy, you think Im playing boy, watch ya mouth girl, its a mans world.

Apparently, I don’t know if this is true but I hope it is, I’ve heard it from a few reports, when we went up to get our awards apparently Clint Eastwood turned to someone that he was with and went, (Clint impression) ‘Who the f**k are they?’

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

[on The Who’s performance at Woodstock] It was the worst gig we ever played.

One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.

The second I met Zac, I thought he was a really cool guy. It’s hard not to have chemistry with someone who is so attractive.

Wow, that is hard to watch. Hi, this is Ted Cruz, just calling to remind you to vote for a man who insulted my wife and said my dad helped kill JFK. Anyway, life has no meaning. Thank you. I want to die.

I wanted to be a secretary, I love paper clips and staplers

With my platform, I want to try and do good things and help people.

No one wants to quit when he’s losing and no one wants to quit when he’s winning.

Prostitutes in Lyons, France, sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko’s – “You fax these, I’ll let you shave me.” Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9? This just proves what my boyfriend always says – that I am dumber than a French whore.

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language’s most offensive C-word.