I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience!
An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
Gentle Jesus, meek and mild’ is a snivelling modern invention, with no warrant in the gospels.
Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.
My religion? Well, my dear, I am a Millionaire. That is my religion.
Here there is no hope, and consequently no duty, no work, nothing to be gained by praying, nothing to be lost by doing what you like. Hell, in short, is a place where you have nothing to do but amuse yourself.
Vulgarity in a king flatters the majority of the nation.
All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
You must not suppose, because I am a man of letters, that I never tried to earn an honest living.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.
The liar’s punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.
Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles.
What is wrong with priests and popes is that instead of being apostles and saints, they are nothing but empirics who say I know instead of I am learning, and pray for credulity and inertia as wise men pray for skepticism and activity.
In heaven an angel is no one in particular.
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
Better see rightly on a pound a week than squint on a million.
It’s so hard to know what to do when one wishes earnestly to do right.
What is the matter with the poor is poverty; what is the matter with the rich is uselessness.
No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
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