Democracy: The substitution of election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
Ladies and gentleman are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.
Life levels all men. Death reveals the eminent.
We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.
Money is the most important thing in the world. It represents health, strength, honor, generosity, and beauty as conspicuously as the want of it represents illness, weakness, disgrace, meanness, and ugliness.
Man gives every reason for his conduct save one, every excuse for his crimes save one, every plea for his safety save one; and that one is his cowardice.
A lifetime of happiness? No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.
No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot.
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
The minority is sometimes right; the majority always wrong.
You are going to let the fear of poverty govern you life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live.
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.
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