Tina Fey

Lesson learned? When people say, “You really, really must” do something, it means you don’t really have to. No one ever says, “You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.” When it’s true, it doesn’t need to be said.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, ‘Hey, check out my zit!’ – you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to.

I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open. The crowd cheers.

I saw Buddy Rich playing. He was wonderful, fantastic. I would say of just sheer technique he’s the best I’ve ever seen.

I started working on trying to sound like June from the very beginning.

They always ask me the same questions. Where was I born? When did I start singing? Who have I worked with? I don’t understand why they can’t just talk to me without all that question bit.

Fame is like a river, that beareth up things light and swollen, and drowns things weighty and solid.

I can’t believe Tina Turner actually was on the same stage. I can’t believe I set foot on the same stage, and it’s going to be an album, people are going to buy it, and it’s going to be a video.

Diamonds never leave you… men do!

[on the death of Stan Lee] I owe it all to you, Rest in Peace Stan

[on quitting smoking] I quit smoking four months ago and since then I have been biting-chewing-fidgeting with anything that isn’t nailed down. I quit cold turkey. I was up to two packs a day, I’m coughing, my eyes are red, I don’t have energy, I’m not even enjoying it, so I just said, ‘That’s it.’ I think it might’ve been easier if I went with Nicorette or one of those supplements, but I just don’t get that. Let’s see, I’m addicted to something, so I know! Let’s pop some pills to get over it! Yeah, that makes sense. But now I find myself in conversations where people are looking at me and I’m salivating all over myself. This is how pathetic and sad it is: you start thinking, ‘Who am I without a cigarette in my hand?’

At the end of the day, I just do my job. I love my art. But I genuinely want to change the world. I’m very generous, and I really want people to see that I am – that’s really it.

For some reason, I like seeing people feel emotional.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

My vocal style I haven’t tried to copy from anyone. It just developed until it became the girlish whine it is today.

[on Trump] Many people are happy to see him in office. Some are voters who think he’ll bring jobs back and shake up Washington; others are happy simply because he isn’t Hillary Clinton, and others of course are Vladimir Putin and Scott Baio. But, for the rest of us, we are faced with the same questions as a guy that woke up the day after a Vegas bachelor party, deep in the desert, naked, tied to a cactus and a dead clown, namely: How the f**k did we get here? and What the f**k do we do now?

Growing up is not being so dead-set on making everybody happy.

When Yale reached out, I thought it was a hoax, but they really followed through.