Mark Twain

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious – except he purposely shut the eyes of his mind and keep them shut by force.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret anything. That makes you smile.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. (The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

There’s a lot of people out there who go through hard times, and they feel alone. They feel like nobody is there. But I’m in the same boat.

You only live but once, and when your died your done, so let the good times roll.

Do any of us really have a clue? We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Or what word will come up in a conversation that will change our lives. You can be in the shower and scrubbing under your arm and find a lump that wasn’t there yesterday. I’m doing things here and now. Life is evolving. Every day life evolves.

You never miss what you’ve never had. I never had any other life. I didn’t know any other life.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

I never hurt nobody but myself and that’s nobody’s business but my own.

Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die to get there!

Die, but do not retreat.

Sometimes you’ve just gotta give yourself what you wish you were getting from someone else.

Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind.

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.

And you know, two heads are better than one.

No one can be helped unless he can be put in the way of helping himself.

When we are through, we shall have reproduced American life as lived; and that, I think is the best way of preserving at least a part of our history and tradition.