Tina Fey

I don’t like my feet. I’m not crazy about anybody’s feet. But I have flat feet.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open. The crowd cheers.

Yeah, I do also think that by the time you are in your forties, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good…. Sexy is all relative.

By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your f**ing life.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

We need to stop talking about whether women are funny. And we need to acknowledge that black people are funnier than white people. Let’s discuss that.

I’ve had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend’s my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

I was advised by an American agent when I was about 19 to change my surname.

I think it’s the way I talk. I think they thought I was too country. And I’m not ashamed of that by any means.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children’s medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

I really had to think and learn about musical intervals.

Lipgloss is my calling!

People think clowns – I wasn’t a clown. I would run parties. I basically ran around for two hours and ate massive piles of Haribo.

The problem is, I don’t think I’ve got too much to offer at the minute. I’m busy working on myself. This sounds like real therapy talk, but it’s like, you’ve got to be happy with yourself before you can go out and get yourself a girl.

When I was a kid, I’d be there in the stands thinking: ‘Come on Wolves, do it for me!’….And here I am again: ‘Come on Wolves,’ pleading with a borrowed laptop!

The things that people do come so easy to me. I could do it in my sleep. But I’m such a perfectionist that when something is too easy to me, I actually feel guilty.

I always dream about other musicians. And they’re never interested in hanging out with us. It’s like being at school and the bigger boys don’t want to play with you!

Music comes from a place we don’t know.

There is nothing wrong with a woman welcoming all men’s advances as long as they are in cash.

I’ve lived in this fame trip since 1986. I’ve found that unless you’re rooted in something bigger than fame, you start believing your own hype.

I’m not going to have a baby until I’m around 30-something.