Samuel Butler

A man’s friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage – but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.

The three most important things a man has are, briefly, his private parts, his money, and his religious opinions.

Logic is like the sword – those who appeal to it, shall perish by it.

Logic is like the sword

When you’ve told someone that you’ve left them a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.

A lawyers dream of heaven; every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.

I don’t know where to find a good guy. I just think that they’re around and I think you have to be good and at some point you’ll attract that. I really believe that. First, people should stop looking. The looking thing does not work. Just let love find you.

I probably didn’t handle things as diplomatically as I should.

There is nothing wrong with your marriage if you’re dealing with bills and kids and the broken garbage disposal and in-laws and work demands. That’s a normal marriage.

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged only in private– though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.

Cherish your human connections – your relationships with friends and family.

If I’m not interested in a woman, I’m straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, ‘I can’t do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!’

If I go into a club now, all the blonde girls leave my corner and all the black girls come into my corner. It’s as if I’m racist towards white girls!

Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.

When you get married, your loyalty, first and foremost, is to your spouse, and to the family that you create together.

I was lucky I always got along with girls. It was never like a big deal. I had a lot of girls that I was friends with that I wasn’t sexual with. I think having two older sisters made me comfortable like that. I just like people, so I can just go up and say whatever.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

Relationships are truly like a garden, if you tend it, water it, weed it and feed it, it will grow into a beautiful garden. If you only go out there every few weeks to look it over for a few moments, what do you think it’s going to look like in a few months? It’s going to be a weed patch. It will disappear.

Relationships are negotiated and if you deal with ultimatums and authority all the time, then you’re not going to get anywhere.

If I don’t have friends, then I ain’t got nothing.

When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy-that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them.