Ricky Gervais

I’m a lot taller than I look on television and younger, and for the role of David Brent I wore a fat suit under my shirt and trousers. Really I’m about 25 and about 6′ 1 tall. So that’s probably why you don’t recognize me in the street.

I have plenty of pet hates. I can’t stand people scraping their plate or slurping their soup. I can’t stand waiting in lines. I hate people talking inanely about the Lord Of The Rings. I hate people whistling. But I’m not like this because I’m famous. I’ve always been a grumpy bastard.

[On Lord Of The Rings] I don’t like all this stupid Gollum begat Wobblo and the Oompa Loompas and…Oh Jesus Christ! There was too much “Oh, God, here come the gloodloys…” Christ Almighty, what are they talking about!?

We’re still trying to break records on the twentieth anniversary of Live Aid. I’ve just heard Bob Geldof has put Phil Collins on a jet to Philadelphia. There’s nothing going on there, we just don’t want him around this year. No I’m joking, of course we didn’t put him on a jet. We stuck him in a catapult. To be fair, he didn’t get very far. Although it worked in rehearsals when we used it on Chris De Burgh. I could do a whole routine about injuring Phil f**king Collins.

[about the showbiz lifestyle] It’s all too much trouble for me. It’s probably because I’m fat and lazy and old.

I hate lateness. I hate people who are late. There is no excuse for turning up late for anything. I’ve never been late for anything in my life. I was actually born a week premature, because I wanted to be early for my own birth. Being late is an insult to me.

Ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re tryin’ to be so quiet?

There are so many different definitions of ‘pretty.’ it’s so much broader than before. The old pretty is boring- nobody cares anymore.

[on being labeled the next big thing] I don’t take it seriously. Because I’m the one living my life. I mean, I’ve got this tiny part in this big Brad Pitt movie, and everyone here thinks I’m playing Sally to Brad Pitt’s Harry. I’m not, and I’m constantly having to say that.

I’m the lady next door when I’m not on stage.

I’m not one for parties and stuff like that. I get a bit nervous around lots of people. Being invisible is what I really enjoy. That I find quite entertaining.

I’ve only met Brad Pitt once before. Well, I didn’t really meet him. I kind of just stood behind him and smelled his hair. It smelled really good.

I don’t believe your soul mate has to share your politics.

So, we come out to Los Angeles. And we met with every network. We met with show runners, directors, writers, everything. And what we had an idea for, they didn’t like. And what they had an idea for, we didn’t like. So, we went home.

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

It’s an idiotic thing that you have to be a college graduate to be an agent.

To me, there’s two types of songs, good and bad. And I just like to stick with the good ones.

He was going to make it. He had a passion for driving a car … Adam was never interested in anything else.

For anyone who feels the need to hate, just know I’m looking at my phone like #GirlBye!

This is truly a blessing. Breyon Prescott, Peter Edge and Tom Corson believe in me and have introduced me to a home that also believes and knows exactly what to do with the type of music I’m doing.

[On his early day in the music business] I stepped on a lot of toes… at that time.