Rebel Wilson

I was planning to go into law or politics. I was well known for my public speaking. I went to an all-girl boarding school with uniforms. It was very posh for someone like me who came from a world where my parents showed beagles and sold dog products out of a yellow caravan.

I am looking for a man I couldn’t beat in a cage fight.

I think I appear very innocent and soft, but I’m actually very dark and edgy. It’s a weird dichotomy.

I’ve only met Brad Pitt once before. Well, I didn’t really meet him. I kind of just stood behind him and smelled his hair. It smelled really good.

If you’re wondering why I was only nominated for three of the categories tonight, it’s because I don’t swallow.

I’m from the ghetto side of Sydney. We don’t really do drive-bys, we just do drive-thrus.

While making Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, I had like 50 outfit changes. It was great! I’m real into the whole “girlie” thing, it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it.

I have absolutely no empathy for camels. I didn’t care for being abused in the Middle East by those horrible, horrible, horrible creatures. They don’t like people. It’s not at all like the relationship between horses and humans.

Trump’s presidency is like one of his handshakes: it pulls you in whether you like it or not.

Well, I don’t like the word ‘rock star,’ the two words, ‘rock star.’ Not even ‘soft rock star’. Not even limestone star. I don’t like those words.

In the last series, we set up a church [to expose televangelists and the ease of avoiding tax through establishing a religious organisation]. It took a lot of legal advice and months of gathering correspondence with one pastor. In terms of the UK, I’m not sure what the Inland Revenue’s position on churches is. The IRS is very much of the opinion that all churches, whatever their form, operate tax free. How would I make sense of what we achieved? We achieved nothing! We achieved $70,000 in single [donations], a four-foot wooden penis and five vials of human sperm. Although a lot of people would consider that a decent year’s work, I suppose. It’s a pretty impressive room full of tat.

There’s no comparison between the most precious parts of one’s personal life and success and wealth. If you lost someone near and dear to you, you can’t relate it to any amount of fame, fortune and luxury. You just have to go on living.

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

I don’t think Disney gets enough credit as a director. When people talk about their favourite directors of all time, Disney has some dope movies under his belt too.

I wanna sing about something that’s sexy and edgy.

I have to work with IKEA… Yo, IKEA, let Kanye create! I want a bed that he makes! I want a chair that he makes! I want more products from Ye!

No, I don’t talk to Carly – that’s sort of the point about divorce.

Healthcare is like a pair of gym shorts. Even if it covers nearly all it is supposed to, you’re still left with some problematic gaps and terrible things can happen.

Monterey, I remember, but I seem to remember the Fillmore West, that we played the week before Monterey. That was much more memorable for me. The first time in San Francisco. They were good gigs.

You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!

There is no diet for a big ego.