Mark Twain

A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes; when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog.

It is natural to die as to be born.

Men are what their mothers made them.

Every person is a God in embryo. Its only desire is to be born.

Perhaps the most delightful friendships are those in which there is much agreement, much disputation, and yet more personal liking.

Society is a masked ball, where every one hides his real character, and reveals it by hiding.

No man acquires property without acquiring with it a little arithmetic also.

Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense.

It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics.

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn.

Being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned.

Bondage is… subjection to external influences and internal negative thoughts and attitudes.

The volatile truth of our words should continually betray the inadequacy of the residual statement.

We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

The wretched have no compassion, they can do good only from strong principles of duty.