Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Intellectual work is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.

A crank is someone with a new idea – until it catches on.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases

Must be out-of-doors enough to get experience of wholesome reality, as a ballast to thought and sentiment. Health requires this relaxation, this aimless life.

Give us the tools, and we will finish the job.

We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.

O friend, never strike sail to a fear! Come into port greatly, or sail with God the seas.

Be better. Be better at everything. Be better fathers… Men can be better husbands, which is – be a part of your family’s life. Do the dishes. Don’t babysit your children. You don’t babysit your own children. Be engaged. Don’t just think going to work and coming home makes you a man. Being a father, being engaged, all that stuff is important. Be a better employer. When you are sitting at a seat of power at a table of any kind and you look around you just see you, it’s just you and a bunch of men around a table, on a golf course, making deals, and you allow that to happen, and you’re okay with that – be better.

I tell you there isn’t a thing under the sun that needs to be done at all, but what a man can do better than a woman, unless it’s bearing children, and they do that in a poor make-shift way; it had better been left to the men.

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.

My prison shall be my grave before I will budge a jot; for I owe my conscience to no mortal man.

It is immoral to get drunk because the headache comes after the drinking, but if the headache came first and the drunkenness afterwards, it would be moral to get drunk.

Love and you shall be loved. All love is mathematically just, as much as the two sides of an algebraic equation.

Who shall set a limit to the influence of a human being?

I believe that what so saddens the reformer is not his sympathy with his fellows in distress, but, though he be the holiest son of God, is his private ail. Let this be righted, let the spring come to him, the morning rise over his couch, and he will forsake his generous companions without apology.

The government who robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

A fly may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still.

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile – hoping it will eat him last.