Mark Twain

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.

The finest clothing made is a person’s own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

A mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most impeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed with mushrooms; a township or two of tender, yellowish fat gracing an out-lying district of this ample county of beefsteak; the long white bone which divides the sirloin from the tenderloin still in its place.

Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised.

You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you.

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.

Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.

Always pack your uniform on top.

We change every minute, never the same. If there’s no room to express the changes there can’t be any truthfulness.

Above all else, I would choose you. When there’s no more grand gestures, no more words to say, when everything around us begins to give way, when the sky grows dim and the colors fade, I will choose you.

Change isn’t a light switch; it’s slow and gradual.

No one can be helped unless he can be put in the way of helping himself.

Does anyone ask their parents how they are conceived?

You, and only you, choose how you feel.

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.

You are the daydream I am supposed to have for the rest of my life.

If He Tom Sawyer had been a great and wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would now have comprehended that Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do and Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

You have to understand that people that are hurting are going to criticize.