Mark Twain

If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

Fortune knocks at every man’s door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.

I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter’s evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream… I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people’s tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.

The foolish are like ripples on water, For whatsoever they do is quickly effaced; But the righteous are like carvings upon stone, For their smallest act is durable.

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.

We are wiser than we know.

The first condition of progress is the removal of censorship.

Nature… She pardons no mistakes. Her yea is yea, and her nay, nay.

A few strong instincts and a few plain rules suffice us.

The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape.

My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy. That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.

I always forgive others. The anger; sadness; frustration; pain, whatever feelings I felt, no matter the hurt; the tears, I always found understanding and reason to forgive them; to not hold onto it; to not resent them. But there is one, who I never seem to be able to give absolution, and that’s myself.

I believe in one thing only, the power of the human will

A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing.

That after an hour’s silence he can say, The one thing I cannot stand is dampness… That’s all, it took him an hour to work that out.

One thing you learn: if you want to reveal yourself, you also have to know where to stop.

The universal regard for money is the one hopeful fact in our civilization. Money is the most important thing in the world. It represents health, strength, honor, generosity and beauty. Not the least of its virtues is that it destroys base people as certainly as it fortifies and dignifies noble people.

It all depends on you. You can go on sleeping forever, you can wake up right this moment.