That is not a functional use of language. That is a drunk driver crashing a pickup truck full of alphabet soup.
More quotes by John Oliver
[on Trump lying] They are self-serving half-truths from a self-serving half-man who has somehow convinced half the country that sacrifice is the same thing as success.
Oh but I’m serious this time. Take your American history books, burn them in the streets, they’re worthless after Tuesday. Why? The senate is up for grabs. I repeat – the f**king senate is up for grabs!
A hundred and thirteen is a lot of tests. It’s approaching the amount that you’d ask your doctor for the morning after you woke up from a one-night stand with Colin Farrell.
Prison sentences are a lot like penises – if they’re used correctly, even a short one can do the trick… is a rumor I have heard.
Calling Jeremy Corbyn the British Bernie Sanders’ would be very reductive, very simplistic and probably the best way to explain him to Americans, while being wildly inaccurate. As for Corbyn and Sanders, I think we’ll have to wait and see whether being principled actually gets you anywhere. I don’t think you can doubt the tenacity of their beliefs. But can you translate that into power?
More quotes about Entertainment
I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.
I always get carried away when I’m kissing. I just go nuts! Walking away after it is the strangest moment for me. It’s embarrassing – not knowing what to say to each other.
If there was no ladies, I wouldn’t wanna be on the planet. Ladies, friends, and music – without those three, I wouldn’t wanna be here.
NASCAR will make this decision strictly on the greenery, OK? They’ve got no loyalty to one place or another place [as if North Wilkesboro, Rockingham and Darlington need reminding]. They’ve got loyalty to money. And I don’t blame them. I’d do the same thing.
We rely more on enthusiasm than actual skill. Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically and people will like it more.
At this time when I turn 50, because so there’s many of my friends and family who didn’t get to see 50-years-old, and so, I’m celebrating for them too.
Before our albums are released I feel like we still own it, that we have control over our music. But once it’s out there in the world it’s no longer ours.
So I’ve realized that this outfit is part of Richard Petty now. And the real Richard Petty is still hidden behind these glasses.
It’s just such a tangled-up issue, the way women present themselves [in comedy]-whether or not they choose to put their thumbs in their panties on the cover of Maxim and judge each other back and forth on it. It’s a complicated issue, and we didn’t go much further on saying anything other than to say, Yeah, it’s a complicated issue and we’re all kind of figuring it out as we go.’