John Oliver

Calling Jeremy Corbyn the ‘British Bernie Sanders’ would be very reductive, very simplistic and probably the best way to explain him to Americans, while being wildly inaccurate. As for Corbyn and Sanders, I think we’ll have to wait and see whether being principled actually gets you anywhere. I don’t think you can doubt the tenacity of their beliefs. But can you translate that into power?

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language’s most offensive C-word.

News is now one of the three things that we get from social media, the other two being our entire sense of self-worth and pictures of shaved alpacas.

So it’s an aging product that’s decreasing in popularity and yet somehow it just can’t stop making money. It’s basically the agricultural equivalent of U2.

News is not a game show. You don’t win a car if you happen to be right.

And if you’re thinking, But hold on John, what if I’m an asshole who couldn’t give a shit about America’s hungry families or the long-term viability of life on Earth? Well, first, let me say, Mr. Trump, thank you so much for taking the time to watch this show tonight. It’s lovely to have you with us.

Everybody I know in England was raised on Mose Allison.

I don’t like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don’t think that fighting and passion are the same thing.

We’ll probably end up doing a terrible crossover, where the Matthew Perry character on the drama rapes my character on the comedy-and then the ‘Law & Order’ team solves the crime.

For no. 1, it’s great writing, super writing. The second thing is that it’s great chemistry with all the actors. We just all got along from the very start. Very get-go, we all got along. We just – it was just like we were all meant to be there together.

I’ve had some pretty good experiences on everything, even if the film doesn’t always work.

It’s an idiotic thing that you have to be a college graduate to be an agent.

We don’t want to be influenced, just informed.

With my platform, I want to try and do good things and help people.

Boys love being bossed around by me tho…

When I was a kid, I’d be there in the stands thinking: ‘Come on Wolves, do it for me!’….And here I am again: ‘Come on Wolves,’ pleading with a borrowed laptop!

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I love old music, old movies, screwball comedies, vintage clothes and basically I’m an old-fashioned gal.

Amy Poehler made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives or girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not f**king care if you like it.

I think everyone’s intentions are to become a performer at first. But by the time I was in high school and college, I discovered that I liked writing and that I was probably a little better at it.

I think I’ve always been fine on stage – though I get nervous beforehand. But once I’m on stage, all of that goes out of the window.