Jimmy Kimmel

Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise. Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised.

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.

I’m a weirdo. I don’t leave the house unless I have to.

And I’m looking at him like, ‘Oh my God. This is Michael Jackson’. I fainted, blacked out – like seriously blacked out.

There’s probably not a crew chief out there who hasn’t tried something that seemed like a good idea.

You know what, I have faith in people. I think people want to see something new and different. They don’t want to see anything that they’ve seen before. They don’t want to have it worked out in the first 10 minutes how it will end. I think people are really smart and sophisticated.

We need to stop talking about whether women are funny. And we need to acknowledge that black people are funnier than white people. Let’s discuss that.

People want to try and move you into a place where you can be easily identifiable by every woman in America – to be this very likable woman in a romantic comedy. And it’s really hard for me. I just don’t see myself as the girl that everybody likes. I never have been and I don’t know how to be that person.

The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn’t the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.

So when you get a chance to look at things and chill and relax, it makes you want it more, and that’s why I’m so happy to be back!

You don’t worry about being liked. You have to be yourself.

[On roles resembling the title character in ‘Penelope’] I like this girl because she is a bit of a bad-ass. I grew up watching movies with people like Barbara Stanwyck, and sometimes I get frustrated that there aren’t a lot of great female characters out there that young women can look at and go, ‘I want to be like that’. I go to movies and yell at the women on-screen, ‘Shoot him; just shoot him.’ I mean, why why does the guy always have to shoot him?

I think I’ve always been fine on stage – though I get nervous beforehand. But once I’m on stage, all of that goes out of the window.

The rain can’t stop the vibes that are going to be created TODAY!!!

Growing up is not being so dead-set on making everybody happy.