James Thurber

He knows all about art, but he doesn’t know what he likes.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Your wit makes others witty.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.