Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Money frees you from things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money comes in handy.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

I want to be a hero, a small and good kind of hero, even though I know heroes have very short lives.

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

Of all the follies the elder generation falls victim to this is the most foolish, namely, the constant criticism of the younger element who will not be and cannot be like ourselves because we and they are different tribes produced of different elements in the great spirit of Time.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

Better contraceptives will control population only if people will use them. A nuclear holocaust can be prevented only if the conditions under which nations make war can be changed. The environment will continue to deteriorate until pollution practices are abandoned. We need to make vast changes in human behavior.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Now payback is a bad bitch and baby, I’m the baddest.

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought.

I was brought up to be a gentleman. That means you know how to walk, talk and dress the part.

The way out is through the door. Why is it that no one will use this method?

When you do something that you really think is stupid, bad decision, irresponsibleand it just happens and you suffer it then that’s penalty. But if you learn from it it becomes tuition.

Instinct is probably the essence of past experience and knowledge stored up for later use. There are many, you know, who think that this life journey through the world is not the first one we have made. Haven’t you ever come across children who knew things that it was impossible for them to have learned? Have you ever gone to a place for the first time and felt sure that you had been there before? That’s one of the reasons I do not travel much.

Coming together is the beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.

What is important is not the right doctrine but the attainment of the true experience. It is giving up believing in belief.