Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion.

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

I’m rich beyond my wildest dreams.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction!

If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.

I have no interest in becoming a tax exile and living somewhere I don’t want to – I just want to be at home with my family.

Too much money ain’t enough money.

I’m bout this shmoney!

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? … No pockets.