George Carlin

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because its much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed!

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Jazz musicians are the only workers who will put in a full shift for pay and then go somewhere else and continue to work for free.

If money be not they servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him.

I have never been in a situation where having money made it worse.

There comes a point where it doesn’t matter how many zeroes are at the end of your bank account.

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money

Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

Too much money ain’t enough money.

I’m bout this shmoney!

To make a million, start with $900,000.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

You can be young without money but you can’t be old without it.

It’s money. I remember it from when I was single!

You can’t borrow your way to prosperity. Look for ways to create value and you will attract money.