George Bernard Shaw

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

Kings are not born they are made by universal hallucination.

Ladies and gentleman are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub.

You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

I have some wonderful friends from the Mideast that are as red, white and blue as anybody you know, that have been harassed, and I think it’s a terrible, terrible thing.

Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art. Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.

The only thing you can give a man without hurting him is an opportunity.

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

Everything in life I’ve worked hard for; what makes you think I’d do you different?

2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so you have got to create a new history.

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.

A man must live like a great brilliant flame and burn as brightly as he can. In the end he burns out. But this is far better than a mean little flame.

The best leaders are those most interested in surrounding themselves with assistants and associates smarter than they are. They are frank in admitting this and are willing to pay for such talents.

It isn’t true that you live only once. You only die once. You live lots of times if you know how.

From the day I arrived, California seemed like an enchanted land.

I am against nature. I don’t dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can’t touch with decay.