Amy Poehler

Women talk about stuff on the way to the valet that it takes men 10 years to admit to each other. The depth at which women talk to and about each other is invaluable to me. With your really, really close good friends you do that fast.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

You know, it sounds like I’m bragging in some way, but as far as career stuff, there’s not that much stuff that scares me. I know what I can do well.

I did not breeze in there thinking: ‘I’m going to nail this.’ My heart rate was not low when I was doing the Golden Globes. I wanted to do well. It’s very bizarre to be in a room where everybody in your audience is famous. But also: it’s an awards show!

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell and laughs. But I do sometimes laugh when people fall down.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

Your wit makes others witty.

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.