Amy Poehler

I think I always feel like if everything went to shit, I would just teach improv at a theatre.

When your children arrive, your heart becomes a room with wide open windows.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

[a metaphor for the end of her marriage] The process of divorce is about loading a blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

Be yourself. No one else can be you.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

Your wit makes others witty.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.